Many times I’ve thought that I’d like to have a pork pie hat, and I’ve looked for them several times with no luck. I was looking again yesterday and today, and again had zero luck.

Well, this evening while sitting in the RV, rocking back and forth in the hurricane gusts, I randomly plugged in Pork Pie Hat into Google, and started reading a couple articles… The first one was Wikipedia, and I noticed that it mentioned that it was the signature hat of Buster Keaton, and that he made his own, in fact he made Thousands (1,000’s) of them over the course of his career! - That piqued my curiosity, as it must not be that hard if he made that many of them…

So, I did some more digging, and discovered that low and behold, it IS EASY!! - In fact, I’m half way done making my own pork pie hat tonight! - I took that old, ratty, and when I found it at the bottom of my closet, completely crushed straw trilby fedora I got at Wal-Mart, and started the process.

I am including the link to the Buster Keaton site where it has a brief interview with Keaton explaining the process, and also below is an excerpt from a sax player who makes his own pork pies as well.

The Quote: from http://www.saxshed.com/soldo.shtml

Do you have a haberdasher?

I do have a haberdasher. World Hat Mart in Pasadena gives me the stock Stetson. I picked up how to make them from an old Buster Keaton article entitled “How to Make a Pork Pie Hat.” I went through the ABC’s of how to do it and I learned from the master. It’s an interesting process.

You take a sprayer bottle full of water infused with a hefty amount of sugar and spray the inside of the hat. You pull it out so it is round like a derby so it no longer looks like a Stetson.

Next you spray the hole inside and fold it in on itself. Then you put the hat upside down so it’s flat and you get it right to the size that you need. Hopefully that size is going to be really close to the band.

You just take the crown and tap it down, tap it down and tap it down. Then fold it over on the inside and straighten it out. Use clothespins to clip it all the way around and wait till it dries.

Then you have a pork pie hat.

And here is the site where Keaton describes his process. (From my research, it’s just as common to have a straw pork pie, although ideally, a felt hat makes the most period correct for a Keaton-esque hat.)

http://www.busterkeaton.com/howto.htm

Once my hat is done, I’ll take some pics post them… right now the top is drying, and tomorrow I will flatten the brim. As soon as I whetted the top with the sugar water and flipped it over, it already looked like an awesome pork pie, so I am confident it will turn out great!!!

AN ADDENDUM: I didn’t really like the first hat, (I made it too short) so I went out and bought a cheap wool felt fedora at Target, and made a second one… This one I like better, but I want to make another one with a darker color, preferably with snazzier band, and I think I’ll make the next one even taller.

Here are the first two hats in all their glory.

The first attempt, with an old beat up straw hat…

and my second attempt, with a wool felt hat…

I look plenty sexy in the felt hat!

p.s. Greg, if you see this post, make sure to go the Trailer Trash site, I have a lot more pics there! (in the gallery)

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Most people don’t know it, but the blowjob was invented in 1972. It came out of the New York “swingers” scene. The American government supported the blowjob movement–it was seen as a way to get the average American back to work in a shorter amount of time. Before 1972, America workers spent an average of 80 hours a week in sexual congress with their wives.

The blowjob, although originally invented by bored drug users as another way to kill time, was seen by the government as a tool to increase productivity.

“With the Blowjob, workers spend less time in the sack and more time at their desks,” said Spiro Agnew in his role as the White Houses’ first Oral Sex Czar. In fact, it was soon discovered that workers could receive a blowjob while still sitting at their desks, but few workplaces actually implemented this innovation. Agnew, for all his official power, could not get desk-based blowjobs for the hard-working White House staff. (Several senior Senators, however, did manage to find the necessary funds in their budgets.)

Deep in the throat of the cold war, the blowjob was just the lever America needed to topple Communist Imperialism overseas. But what had the five-star generals in the Pentagon quivering, however, was not the expert attentions of the secretarial pool, but CIA field reports of a top-secret Soviet mechanized blowjob machine. The size of a football field, more than powerful enough to relieve an entire platoon of Red Army regulars in under four hours, the Pentagon saw this as the most immediate threat to national security.

General Curtis LeMay famously declared the “oral sex gap” and a crash program to build an American blowjob machine was begun deep in the Nevada desert under the dual expert guidance of Edward Teller and Dr. Harold Kinsley. Several billion dollars were poured into DARPA (the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration) but, after three years of trying, DARPA admitted failure when a visiting General LeMay was better serviced in a nearby brothel than by the machine itself. In a final memo to President Ford, LeMay decried DARPA’s work as “better suited for masturbation than oral satisfaction” before committing suicide, fearful that this great nation would crumble under the sated Red Menace.

(After the end of the cold war, several generals from both sides met in Geneva. It was revealed that the “Blowjob machine” was nothing more than another Soviet maskirovka: empty inside, constructed of nothing more than cardboard; soldiers engaged in congress with the machine were coached on the proper facial expression to affect for the passing U-2s and spy satellites. The DARPA project was never fully shutdown and later became known as the DARPAnet, which was the foundation for today’s Internet.)

In America, it was a time of experimentation. Other orifices, such as the ears and nose, were explored for their sexual potential. Ad campaigns and public-service announcements on radio and television tried to attract a skeptical public:

“‘Blow’ is just a figure of speech.”
“The nose knows a good time.”
“Stick it up your nose.” — a popular slogan until it was appropriated by cocaine users
“Just the wax, ma’am” — Joe Friday from Dragnet did the ads for Aural sex
Blowjobs became government-supported under the administration of Gerald Ford, who was given the first nationally-televised blowjob during his 1975 state-of-the-union address. “Wow, that’s great!” said an enthusiastic Ford. American productivity shot upward during the Ford administration, in part thanks to hordes of American women who worked hard to keep their men working–and got a government check to boot.

The program lost favor in the Reagan years when it was discovered that gay men could use the technique as well. Reagan’s oft-heard stump speech told of a government-supported woman, “a welfare queen who used her blowjob money to buy cadillacs and even foreign autos.” (While seemingly apocryphal, this story seemed true enough that several Cadillac dealers offered reduced prices to blowjob-givers, to “keep them buying American.”) But the program could never be killed, even under Reagan. Casper Weinberger fought tooth and nail to keep it. “I’ll give government cheese to poor people before I’ll give up blowjobs.”

Finally, the government paid out its last blowjob check under George Bush, who quietly closed the program down. The last blowjob in America was given in the waning months of 1989. An era had ended.

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I’m constantly trying to make a little extra dough to spend on the bling, and this time around I’m learning how to make that money long term…

I’m checking out John Cow and his new Storestacker software program, which seems pretty cool. From what I can figure, the StoreStacker software is like BANS or PhpBay on Steroids! With the click of a button, you can create a niche site that is loaded with not just eBay store items, but also Amazon, Clickbank and Overstock.com - Holy Cow!! That’s amazing!

John Cow is also holding a contest where you can win some pretty good prizes, including the StoreStacker software ( go to http://storestacker.com for details) an iPod, iPhone, xbox 360, Bose headphones and some other cool stuff! - Click here to check out the contest: http://www.johncow.com/win-big-time-with-storestacker/

I’ll keep you posted to let you know if I won any cool stuff, and how it’s going in my ongoing quest to earn enough dough to buy some love!

Richard Cranium

Cunnilingus tips:

First of all girls, Be clean! Nobody wants to eat bad tuna…

Have a shower or bath together first. This will help make things taste and smell better.

Be enthusiastic

We’re only doing this because we want you to be happy, so let us know if we’re wasting our time or not…

Don’t go down on her unless you really want to. Women can tell if you’re less than enthusiastic. (The trick here is to tell yourself “This will almost definitely lead to her OWING me a Blowjob!)

Start slowly

Chicks aren’t as hot to trot as guys, so don’t just jump in and start motorboating that thing.

Avoid going for her clitoris right away. Tease her first. Lick around her clitoris. Remember, when starting out too little is better than too much. Even though you’re A-Ok with her licking the tip of your dick right from the get-go, the Little-Man-In-The-Boat is a sensitive guy, so don’t just jump on him.

Listen

Use your ears as well as your mouth and tongue. Listen to her moans of pleasure. Ask her to let you know what she likes. Who knows, maybe she’ll be just as much of a trash-mouth as you are… then you can really get into you filthy dirty slut, yeah… suck that shit, you fucking trailer trash whore… ooops.. sorry.

ABC

When using your tongue on her pussy try writing the letters of the alphabet with your tongue using a continuous motion. The letters “Z” and “N” can be especially enjoyable for her. Try writing her a note like; “My Turn Next, and I’m Cumming On Your Face Too.”

Make some noise

Let her know how much you’re enjoying giving her head. Do it with enthusiasm! Once you’ve gotten her juices flowing, doing the motorboat is Okay… Tell her how much you love having her sticky crotch lube all over your face.

Her clitoris

When she is ready lick and suck her clitoris. Remember though that some women cannot handle direct contact on their clitoris even when they’re really excited. If that’s the case, just give it a few licks now and then, but if she likes getting her nubbin-rubbin on, suck that little clitty like it’s a half inch dick and you’re the queerest fag on the block sucking off Brad Pitt!

Variety is the spice of life

You can give her different feelings by using your tongue in different ways. A flat tongue will give her a feeling like a soft caress. A rigid tongue will give more direct and firm stimulation. Don’t be afraid to jam your tongue right up her gash, try to lick her G-spot. If you make it, you’re her hero, and if you don’t, at least you’ll stick in her memory as the ‘Gene Simmons guy who went nuts on my junk.’

Don’t stop

In general women like steady stimulation. So don’t stop, especially when she’s about to come. that’s the Holy Grail, chances are you won’t get a real one, she’ll just be faking it so you’ll stop slobbering all over her twat (thank god it’s almost over,) but if she really does pop a cork on you, now’s your chance, during that brief glow afterwords, she’s at her most likely to let you plug her poop shoot!

Good luck!

Not what I was referring to:

Lindsay Lohan, the inbred redheaded step-queen of trailer trash…. mmm mmm good!

Damn - I’d hit that skank!

Anybody who knows me, knows that I have a special place in my heart for red heads and trailer trash girls, and there’s no better redheaded trash girl on the planet than Lindsay, I’ll-fuck-anything Lohan.

This girl isn’t the best looking slut in Hollywood, has huge droopy beached-whale-white titties, and more freckles than Howdy Doody,

but she’s willing to share, and that goes a long way to winning friends… or in her case, I’m sure it’s gone a long way to helping her contract more VDs than a Vietnamese hooker in Saigon circa 1969.

Be that as it may, I’d still bang that skank in a heart beat. If for no other reason than to say I’m one of the elite 500 that have had the privilege to plow that strawberry patch. Normally I like a nice clean cootch, smooth and hairless, just like God intended, but in the case of a redhead, I like to see the proof.

From all signs, this bimbo is the real deal, and red on the head like the dick on a dog…

I understand that Lidsay has turned dyke for the last few months, but I’m sure she’ll be back to swallowing beef sticks before the end of the year. Bumping uglies with a man-gal like Samantha Ron’s Son might be a nice distraction for a while, but Lindsay’s cock-cave needs filling on a regular basis, and plastic whiffle ball bats just won’t cut it for long.

After this dipshit’s most recent bout of rehabs and drunken fuck-ups, she’s had to go back to her first, and really only true vocation, pole dancing.

I’d tuck a few bucks in that fat back-door.

How I’d bang that bitch…

First, I’d bend her over (or more likely just walk up to her, since she’s generally already bent over and ready) and bang her bruised backside till she forgot all about slurping beef curtains, then I’d spin her around and toss my kielbasa right down that pasty white throat of hers…

That’s pretty much all I’d get done with her, since fapping that mobile home hussy is too much fun for me, so I gotta go now…

Some more skank shots if you need them…

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Jennifer “Nipple” Aniston. What a titty queen. Her tits aren’t the biggest, they aren’t the perkiest, they aren’t even the best shaped, but goddamn, they are ALWAYS erect! - Is this bitch constantly turned on, or does she wear nipple-rings on those erasers like a man’s cockring?

She can’t act, she fucks every guy who shows up at her door with a 20 dollar bill and a line of blow, and she promptly gets dumped as soon as she gives up her ass, but she never gives up showing off those chewy nips!

Gotta love a skank that knows where her true talent lies. I’d invent a new style of sex if I had a chance to bone this bimbo, the “Nipple-Jack” - That’s where I’d grab her nipples, dag them together, and then use them to jack my Henry to completion on her surgically corrected schnoz.

When I got done with her, coke wouldn’t be the only thing leaking from her nostrils…

She’s got a pretty decent body for a middle-age washed up actress. (When was the last time she worked?) I don’t blame her for living off her Friend’s fortune, it’s really the right thing for her to do. Don’t even try to act in anything where you have to be anything besides a talentless waitress struggling to make ends meet.

Speaking of ends, I’d be glad to plow that huge back 40… Of course riding her rump would be like jogging through the Lincoln tunnel trying to touch both walls with your hands. just about every swinging dick in Hollywood large enough to make it off the casting couch has done a few touchdown dances in her poopshoot. I’d be more than happy to take a number at that lunch counter - Hell, maybe they’d drop confetti from the ceiling and walk out with a huge check for a million dollars for being the 0ne Thousandth passenger to ride the Jenny train?

Keep looking over your shoulder Jennifer Aniston, I cumming for you!

A little bathroom material for those of you who need it…

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There are about 100 million women in the world that I’d bang, but I had to start somewhere, and I thought where better than to start with the reigning Queen of I’m Too Good for My Own Shit - Angelina Jolie

No doubt there are a million+ guys in the world who think Agelina is the bomb… But I’m not really one of them. - Sure, there are times when she looks pretty good, but there are just way too many times when she looks just like her dad, Jon Voight, and that is Ugly!

One minute she has thick sexy DSLs, the next, she’s all fat lipped, chipmunk cheecked, with bags under her eyes and a classic Jon Voight grimace on her mug.

She reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates the two-faced chick.

So, you may be wondering at this point why the hell I picked this Baby-Buying Machine for my first WIBB (Who I’d Bang Bitch, for those of you who aren’t good with acronyms…) well, the answer is simple: I LOVE WHITE TRASH SLUTS!

And trust me, Angelina is a bonefied, top of the line, WTS! - One look at all of those skanky tatoos, and it’s a lock, she’d dissapear in a biker bar faster than a crack whore would blend into an alley in Harlem.

One tatoo, and you’re just another bimbo on the bandwagon, two and you’re just an ultra-trendy twit. Three tattoos and you’ve decided to come to grips with your lack of breeding.

By the time you get to the number of Gigantic, prison-yard tats that this twat is wearing, and you are either a stripper in a 3rd rate titty bar, or you’re boyfriend was the head ink guy in San Quentin.

Mmmm - love a tattood slut! Why? Because a girl that would permanently deface her admittedly great body with bad ‘artwork’ is obviously FUCKED UP! Everybody knows that if she’s fucked in the head, she’ll be a great fuck in bed.

Hell, just ask Billy Bob, whose blood she wore in a necklace around her neck, or her first husband, Jonny Lee Miller, whom she married while wearing a shirt with his name written on it in her own blood, or hell, ask her BROTHER, James Haven who she was apparently Full8ing in the limo on the way to the Oscars! Those are all signs of a fucked up chick… Yummm!

I don’t blame him, if she was my sister, I’d be banging her fo sho.

The first thing (Of Course) that I’d want to do with The Cuckoo One, is get my felaysh on. Those awsome DSLs (again, for the acronym challenged, DSL means Dick-Sucking-Lips, which Angie has a huge pair of) would fit my Mr Smith quite nicely.

And I’m pretty sure she’s used to equestrian work and if not, she would be once I was done with her….

I’d write more about this nutty-chick, but I’ve suddenly lost my train of thought,…?

~Richard Cranium~

Just kidding… unless you’re a hot chick (or female and under 60…)

I am dedicating this site to my unending quest for the Holy Grail of the Male World… Fell-aysh-e-o (Also known as: coitus-in-os, corvus (obs.), bully-in-the-muzzle, cannibalize, cap, catch-a-bird, cherry-flip, chew (it), chew-foreskin, chew-the-goo, chew-the-slough, clean the pipe, cock-suck, cock-sucking (cocksucking), cop-a-bird, cop-a-joint, cop-a-doodle, cop-a-cock, cop-a-crown, cop a hot one), cuff-a-carrot, deep-throat, derby, dick-lickdick licking, dick sucking, dickie lick, dinner-beneath-the-bridge,

double-wedding, drop-on-it, eat, eat-cock, eat-corn-the-long-way, eat-meat, egg McMuff(in), face-fucking, face-pussy, facial, fancy-lip-service, fast-food-sex, feed-one’s-face, Felicia, flute, butterfly-flick, French arts, French culture, French-head-job, French-job, French-kiss, French-lessons, French-language-training, French-love, French-polishing, French-sex, French-tricks, French-way, Frenching, fuck-in-the-teeth, gaelick, gam, gargle-it, get-a-facial, get-down, get-blown, get-down-on-one’s-knees, get-head, get-it-off, get punked in the head (or in the mouth), get-skull, give a blow jjob, give-cap, give-a-face-job, give-face, givew good head, give-cone, give-head, give pearl, give-skull, give-up-your-face, give-us-a-gam, gnaw-the-nana, go-down, go-down-and-do-tricks, go down on, go-down-route-sixty-nine, go down route 69, go-south, gob-the-knob, gobble (the goo or goop),

gobble-the-worm, gobble-prick, gobble-rod, gob-job, gob-the-knob, going-down-(like-a-submarine), gorp, grab-a-hot-one, grab-a-bird, gum-it, gum-job, gunch, halfway-around-the-world, hardcore-facial, have-a-lollipop, have-some-cream-sauce, he-blow, head, head-job, hoover, hooverism, hose-job, hum-job, hum-a-tune-(on-the-flute), inhale-the-oyster, jawfest, kiss-it-(down), kiss-the-worm, kneel-at-the-altar, knish-ka-bob-mug, knob-job, knob-polishing, knob-shining, knobber, knobbing, knobble, knock-somebody-off, kowtow-chow, larro, lay-the-lip, lick, lick-a-prick, lick-dick, lipstick-on-a-dipstick,

lollipop-lick, make-mouth-music, medolingus, mouth-music, mouth-fuck, mouth-job, mouthlove, mouth-music, munch (stump), nob-a-job, nose-to-hose, oral-job, oral-sex, orbit, oyster-stew, pearl-diving, penis-mouthus, penisuction, peter-puff, picnic, picnic-on-it, picnic-up-on-it, picnic-lunch, pipe(-job), piston-job, plate of gam, plate-of-ham, plate, play-a-tune, play-bugle-boy, play-chipmunk, play-musical-arrangements, play-on-the-flute, play-on-the-horn, play-on-the-skin-flute, play-the-horn, play-the-skin-flute, play-the-flute, play-the-organ, playing-hoopsnake, playing-the-piccolo, playing-the-schweinte,

polish-the-knob, pricnic (pricknic), prick-lick, puff-on-some-tubing, pull-some-peepee, put lipstick on the/his dipstick, receive-holy-communion, root, rooting, rubber-necking, Sally, say-high-mass, scarf-(up), scoff, scooby-snack, scorf-up-on-a-bod, scumsuck, serve-head, service, short-arm-practice, play-mouth-music, skin-the-weinie, skin-the-banana, skull-buggery, skull-fuck, skull-job, skull-pussy, skulling, slob-the-knob, slob-job, smoke, smoke-the-beef, soil-one’s-knees, soul-kiss, speak-Low-Genitalese, speak-to-the-head, steal-a-bird, stoop-for-it, suck, suck-cock, suck (off), suck-a-bondini, suck-a-fatty, suck-cock, suck-dry, suck-head, suck-the-sugar-stick, swab-the-tonsils, swallow cock, swallow-the-roe, swallow-the-pipe, swallow a/the sword, swallow-the-worm, swing-on-it, swing on some, flivver, take-somebody-on, take-it-in-the-mouth, talk-to-the-mike, talk-turkey, tickle-the-ivories, tickle-the-tonsils, titty-oggy (tittie-oggie), tongue-courting, tongue-fuck, tongue-on, tongue-job, tongue-sushi, tongue-wash, tonsil-hockey, go travel (down) route sixty-nine, travel (down) route 69,

trick-off, the ultimate kiss, velvet-job, wean, whistle, whistling, whomp-down-on-it, whomp-it-up, worship-at-the-altar, wring-it-dry, yummy-down-on-it, yummy-it-down, yummy-up-on-it, zipper-dinner, zipper-sex, fellation, fellatorism, oral copulation of the penis, penilinctus, penilingism, penilingus, penosugia, phallalingus, virilingus, bagpipe, basket-lunch, bell-polishing, bite-the-big-one, bite-the-crank, blow-job, blow-my-hat, blow-my-horn, blow-the-pipe, blow-the-whistle, blue-jay, bob-on-the-knob, bucket-head, French language training, skull fuck, skull buggery, serve head, short-arm practice, pull some peepee, smoke the beef, soil one’s knees, speak to the head, skulling, stoop for it, suck a bondini, suck a fatty, suck the sugar stick, swallow a sword, take it in the mouth, trick off, ultimate kiss, the, whistling, have a lollipop, irrumated, knob job, lick-dick, munch stump, nob-a-job, peter puff, pipe-job, play on the skin flute, play musical arrangements, play on the horn, play on the flute, play bugle boy, playing the schweinte, playing the piccolo,

French head job, French polishing, get a facial, get blown, get punked in the mouth, get punked in the head, give cone, give cap, give us a gam, go down for whomp, gob the knob, bite the big one, blow my hat, blow my horn, cannibalize, chew the slough, chew the goo, corvus, cuff a carrot, dick-licking, dick-sucking, eat cock, eat meat, feed one’s face, dick-lick, drop on it, derby, cop a joint, cock-sucking, cop a hot one, cop a crown, cherry flip, bucket head, bob on the knob, BJ, gobble the goop, gobble the goo, gob job, gobble, gorp, go south, go south with the mouth, give pearls, give skull, get skull, get down, get head, French passive, French vice, French job, fast food sex, play mouth music, play chipmunk, mouth-whore, penis mouthus, lipstick on a dipstick, make mouth music, mouth fuck, hooverism, tongue-fucking, tongue job, take somebody on, tickle the ivories, tickle the tonsils, tickling the ivories, tongue-fuck, tongue courting, suck cock, speak Low Genitalese, scumsuck, skull job, put lipstick on his dipstick,

rubber necking, sixty-nine queen, puff on some tubing, suck dry, slob the knob, tea bagging, tooth somebody to death, wean, tongue-on, head date, lollipop lick, orbit, Phil Latio, oral Annie, play a tune, play the horn, Fr, fellatrant, fellatricial, fellare, glory hole sex, go around the world, gnaw the nana, gobble prick, gobble rod, blow the pipe, B.J., balls and all!, butterfly queen, butterfly flick, bull by the souse, chew foreskin, cop a cock, cock bath, devil’s kiss, dick breath, drag hustler, dicky lick, wring it dry, zipper sex, zipper dinner, hardcore facial, gaelic, dinner beneath the bridge, do somebody, fags toothbrush, fancy lip-service, dick-drinker, cop a doodle, cop a bird, circle fuck, car whore, catch a bird, bull twister, bully in the muzzle, bone queen, boy-scout queen, basket lunch, bell polishing, 69ing, around the world in eighty ways, ayuga, blue jay, bite the crank, gargle it, fuck in the teeth, gag reflex, get one’s nuts off, get one’s balls off, get one’s ashes hauled, get down on one’s knees, French lessons, French love, gunch, gum it, grab a bird, grab a hot one, gobble the worm, go down and do tricks, go down route sixty-nine, go for sushi, give up your face, give yaloo, give a face job, give good head, prime it, plate, piston job, oral service, nose to hose, oral job, picnic on it, picnic up on it, picnic, picnic lunch, inhale the oyster, mouth job, mouth music, knobble, kowtow chow, larro, lay the lip, lick a prick, kiss the worm, kiss somebody’s down, kiss it (down), hose job, hum-yum girl, have some cream sauce, head job, he-blow,

whomp down on it, whomp it up, woof up on it, travel route sixty-nine, travel down route sixty-nine, tongue wash, talk to the mike, talk turkey, swallow the pipe, swing low, swing on it, swing on some flivver, suck-sucker, suck off, sugar stick, swallow the roe, spinach queen, steal a bird, purple-veined tonsil-tickler, put lipstick on the dipstick, Sally, say high mass, scoff, scooby snack, scorf up on a bod, receive holy communion, yummy it down, yummy up on it, yummy down on it, around the world, blow the whistle, cap, come-freak, come-queen, deep-throat, Felicia, egg McMuffin, egg McMuff, eat corn the long way, going down (like a submarine), gum-job, French active, French sex, French tricks, French way, route 69, route sixty-nine, skull pussy, slob-job, swallow-cock, tongue, velvet job, tongue sushi, tonsil hockey,

worship at the altar, kneel at the altar, knob polishing, hum job, jawfest, knobber, knob shining, knish-ka-bob mug, knobbing, little tongue sushi, munch, plate of ham, penisuction, fix someone up, blow job, fellation, coitus in os, coitus per os, phallalingus, penilingism, penilingus, penosugia, pipe, hummer, whistle, titty-oggy, fellate - and maybe a few others I didn’t think of…?)

Fellatio

From the Latin fellâtus , past participle of fellâre , to suck , and fello, originally meaning to suck the teat.

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